A conversation with myself

I haven’t done much in the way of posting on here.  Things were crazy from the Thanksgiving holiday.  Getting wrapped up with the Facebook Page. And trying to figure out how to tweet. All while getting work done, working out and daily chores.  However, things are winding down a bit so I will try to blog a little bit more often.

When I workout at home, I am usually in a zone. I turn on some music and just sweat.  The only time I really start having any thoughts is when I find myself having to really push through something – I’ll start coaching myself to make it through. Ya know, like if they can do it – so can you.

However, when I go to the gym – WOW. I think of some really dumb stuff. My mind goes off in a complete tangent forming this crazy ball of thoughts that are usually all unrelated to each other.

The other day I was on the treadmill, which happens to be in the first row of machines (meaning I have other machines behind me). And my first thought was .. “I wonder if the people behind me stare at my butt.”  Of course that thought then progressed to “it would really suck if my pants fell down. (they are a bit loose on me).”  —> “I’ve never mooned anyone before”.  “Are my underwear sticking out?”  “I wonder if my hair is all frizzy in the back”.

Of course then I glance down looking at the screen on the treadmill and start thinking “Oh my god. I have only been on here for 2 freaking minutes?  I swear I was on here longer. UGH. I still have 3 more to go”.   “If I increase the speed to a light jog, I wonder if I can do it .. or will I fall? OMG. What if I fall. That would suck.” “I’m thirsty.” I think maybe I will unwind tonight with some wine. No. Probably shouldn’t.  Some wine turns into a bottle of wine which turns into a don’t roll out of bed till 10 am the next morning, wine.”  And then my day is shot if I wake up that late.”  Oh crap.  I got to pay the electric bill.”  I wonder how the utility companies sleep at night charging so damn much.”  “I totally can’t wait to decorate for Christmas. I want to light up the Griswald’s.”

It was a long 15 minutes on the treadmill.  But finally it was over. Time to move on to the  next machine.

Stair Climber.  My goal was 10 minutes on there.

I first get on there and I’m all like heyyyy this is really easy.  I could stay on this forever.  3 minutes – my ass starts screaming and my legs feel like someone was keeping a match lit to them.

Then I start thinking “holy crap. I’m pouring sweat. Like buckets of sweat. Almost an unhealthy sweat”. “There goes my hair for sure”. I don’t know why I’m so worried about my hair. Oh right. Cause that girl over there has perfect hair”.  I wonder why she has so much make up on at the gym.” And perfume. Geez. Swim in it do we? I’m like choking on it. I’d rather smell man sweat. No. Not really. Ew. Why would I even say that. I should just go beat myself up now.  My ass should look really good if I keep on this thing everyday. Oh look at that. I officially have been on here 2 minutes and 45 seconds. SIGH. 8 more to go. Wonder why the owner and that weirdo he’s with keep staring. Am I breathing heavy or something? I can’t tell.  My music is so loud. Maybe it’s the sweat. Or they are jealous they can’t climb like I can.  Speaking of stairs. I really hate that the laundry room is all the way down in the basement. I have so much wash to do. I need a maid.”

My mind, really doesn’t stop. Ever. I continued to have a million conversations with myself that by the time my hour was up – I’m not sure which exhausted me more : the workout – or me talking to myself!

On a good note.  Combining cardio with weight machines in 1 hour

What kind of things do you think about while working out?

 

First Day of Gym

Well, I am a little late at getting my first post going, but better late than never I guess!

Monday was my first day back at the gym and I was having major anxiety issues.  I joined a new gym that was right around the corner from me.  (No excuses not to go, unlike the last gym which was a 15 minute + drive – sometimes longer with traffic).  There were machines there that I was not familiar with, which of course led to – will I be able to figure out to use things??.  And of course there was the people issue – will everyone be staring at me? Whispering about me?  These were all the same anxiety issues I had before on my first day back at the gym and now I have to relive them all over again. Waahhhh.

Monday was a disaster actually.  I kept telling myself I hated every piece of equipment I tried and that I missed the other gym.  I was complaining about the set up of the gym. I nitpicked everything about it.  Finally after a 1/2 hour of complaining and driving myself crazy, I packed it in and called it quits, leaving there feeling so disappointed and frustrated.  I wanted to quit that gym and find another one and I was adamant I was not going back.

But Tuesday came and it was a new day.  I decided I was going to go back and give it another shot. And I am glad I did.  I found a cardio machine that I am in love and my fiance had a hard time tearing me off of it. I love it so much I called everyone and told them about how awesome it was and how unbelievable sore I was from it!

The real bonus of the gym though, it just so happens, there is really no more than 4 people ever there – including staff and the staff hides in the office lol.  I couldn’t have picked a better gym, for real. 🙂

Turns out – I just was afraid and was trying to find every excuse in the book to not have to go the gym.  The reality is – we are all there for the same reason – get in fit / lose weight.  And if people stare, I will just shrug my shoulders and let me know, I gotta start somewhere, right?  At least I am doing it! 🙂

I officially have no more excuses. I know how to use the machines. No one goes there and the few that do, are there doing their own thing too.  And it’s literally right around the corner from me.

Did you have fears and anxiety on your first day? How did you overcome them?